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Aliens/Transcript
[Scene opens on the Great Fox, where Sonic and Tails are searching for food.] Sonic: Space fucking blows! I can't find the TV, and when is that stupid frog coming back with our food? Tails: I'm guessing never. It took him three hours to put his space shoes on. [General Pepper's face pops up on the screen in the middle of the room.] General Pepper: Fox?! Where's Fox?! I've got an urgent mission for him! Tails: Whoa, whoa, relax, Huckleberry Hound. Fox is gone so we're just handling the missions here. Sonic: Hi Space Dog. Important question: Do you have any food? We send the frog to get some a few hours ago. General Pepper: You sent the frog out? Yeah, he's not coming back. Y-You probably shouldn't have done that. Look I need you to go- Sonic: We'll do it. General Pepper: But, you don't even know the- Sonic: [sighs] Who cares?! Just tell us where to go! Hopefully there's some fucking food there. [Scene transitions to ''Aliens, where Sonic and Tails board an abandon ship. Sonic is holding a gun.] '''Sonic': Where the fuck are these aliens? Tails: There's nothing here. Let's just leave and- [A Facehugger jumps on Tails' face, causing him to shout inaudibly.] Sonic: Uh, I found one. It's on your face. [Sonic shoots the Facehugger, killing it.] Tails: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?! I think it laid a baby in my mouth! Sonic: At least you got the eat something. Tails: Yeah, I really- [Another Facehugger latches onto Tails' face, causing him to shout inaudibly. Sonic rolls his eyes and shoots the Facehugger, killing it.] Tails: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING! Sonic: Would you stop it already?! We're never going to find the queen if you keep fucking around! Tails: I'm not fuck- [A third Facehopper latches onto Tails' face, causing him to shout inaudibly.] Sonic: Screw it, I'm leaving it there. [Tails blindly tries to follow Sonic, but bumps into pillars and creates. Scene transitions to the queen's room, where he catches up with Sonic and pulls the Facehugger off.] Tails: You know, I'm actually starting to like these eggs. They got kind of a nice smokey flavor to them. Sonic: Would it kill you to save me one?! Anyway, dick, this must be the queen's chamber. [Camera zooms out to reveal ALF and several alien eggs.] Sonic: Aww man! ALF, you're the queen!? ALF: Hey, give me a break, I haven't worked since the 90's. [lays an egg] I've just been plopping out these alien eggs all day. [lays another egg] Tails: Yeah, I think I'd rather be unemployed. How are you even doing that? ALF: It's not that hard. You just gotta s-scretch out your [lays an egg] ALF anus real wide and- Sonic: Stop, stop, stop! Y'know, we're just gonna kill you and try to forget we saw any of this. [Sonic shoots ALF, killing him.] Sonic: Alrighty, mission accomplished. Now can we go get some food? [A Chestbuster rips out of Tails' chest.] Tails: KILL IT! KILL IT! [Sonic shoots the Chestbuster, killing it.] Sonic: You think we can grill that thing? [Ending sequence.]